Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
