i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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