I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
