He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
