I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
