She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
