Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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