Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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