Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
