it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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