Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
