I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
