Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
