Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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