She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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