I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
