New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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