I just cut my nipple shaving
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
