I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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