i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
