in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
