Midget sex pt 2 tonight
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
