yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
