even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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