So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
