I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if only i could text you this smell
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
