Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
