He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
