Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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