i already hear my dad disowning me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
