There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
