you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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