Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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