erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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