I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
