Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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