The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sobbing to NWA
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
