He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
