I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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