I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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