wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
