So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
