Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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