Umm I'm too high to move.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We are all done wearing pants today
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize