i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
God, I missed his penis.
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