I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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