I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
