he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this beer tastes like vomit already
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
