This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
