I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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