i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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