yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I still have a little drunk in my system
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
