I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
