Can i not drive my cunt home
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
