Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
