i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
