he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
