"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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