my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is wine microwaveable?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
