I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
