hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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