It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
