she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
