Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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