im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
