i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
