drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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