You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
