We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
