Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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