Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
