There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
