I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
