Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
