we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
