i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
