Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
