somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is classic penis vs brain.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
