all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
