my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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