why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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