She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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